Unknown Strength and Purpose

You know when you’re stuck at home in pain you think of a lot of things. You wonder: what you did to deserve such pain?” You wonder “if I didn’t hurt so much and I could get around as I use to what would I do right now?” How different life would be you know? I’ve always been a quiet person. Never really wanted to ruffle feathers or tell others when they are wrong. I’ve tried not to complain too much, especially in public. I figured if I lay low and try not to get noticed that I could slide through life and be ok.
These last like 7 years have been rough for me physically because of my fibromyalgia. But even when I didn’t think things could get worse then I end up in a car wreck. While my outward physically being seemed ok somehow, whether it’s nerve damage or something greater, I’ve been in the worse pain of my life. Believe me, I know it could have been worse but for me and my body, this is the hardest, most painful situation I’ve been in thus far. Yes, it’s hard mind, body, and soul. I’ve never hurt so bad all I can do is lay in the fetal position and cry.
That being said, so much goes through my mind. Again what did I do to deserve this? So many questions run through my mind. As you know they say everything happens for a reason. I just wish I knew exactly what this reason is. Maybe to understand others? I see how someone might go crazy with medication and get addicted. Pain makes you think of things you wouldn’t normally do. My fears keep me in check on this but I do see exactly why someone would do anything just not to hurt again. Maybe it for the exact reason I started my blog. To show others my struggles and to show them how to push through. Don’t get me wrong. There are plenty of days I have no idea how I’m going to get through but I do. After every sad and painful moment, I keep telling myself to keep going. “You got this Keysha.” I may slow down or take a light pause but I have to keep going. Again Yes it’s hard. I’m not sure where I get the strength from. I think it’s from me telling myself I have it way down deep inside. Nevertheless, I keep going.

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